Bloody plantains

I'm going to fry some plantains! These are a little old judging by the color, because I couldn't find a good time to make them. But here we are...

Peeled they look a little like a cob of corn and a banana had a baby.

One plantain turned out just fine, the other is a little bit mushy.

Chopping them up.

Chopping...

AUGHHHHHH!!!!!! I HACKED MYSELF!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! BLOOD!!!!!!

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A murder scene!

But I'm in the (bad) habit of eating expired food, so a little blood isn't going to deter me from frying otherwise good plantains.

They're supposed to fry once, then be taken out to cool.

Putting them in water to cool them.

Now I have to take the water (and blood!) out so they don't send oil everywhere when I put them back in the oil.

Mashing the water and blood out. It looks like a bandage.

Back in the oil for more frying.

The completed fried (bloody) plantains.

There aren't many of them. If I have to feed more than one person I'm going to need more plantains.

Overall very yummy! And the blood didn't hurt the flavor one bit!

Chocolate fish

I have some candy fish (from Sweden) and chocolate chips handy. I'm going to see what happens if I try to make chocolate-coated fish!

Step 1: melt the chocolate in the microwave.

Eeep. An alien volcano rock appeared in my bowl after the microwaving.

What is this thing and where did it come from? It's solid and porous and if it's burnt chocolate, then why did it only appear on one corner of the bowl?!

With the alien volcano rock gone and the chocolate mixed, it's still a little gloppy. So I decided to microwave again.

 

Eep. I might have overdone it this time. And another alien volcano rock appeared.

I decided to quit with the microwaving, take out the other alien volcano rock, and just mix it up.

Adding in the fish.

Mixing in the fish.

Putting them on aluminum foil to chill in the freezer.

After chilling.

 

Chocolate-coated fish!

I overlooked how hard the fish get when you freeze them. These turned out good, but eating the chocolate and fish separately might have been better. You have to bite into the chocolate, then let the fish thaw in your mouth.

Sacrificial pork chops

Halloween is the perfect opportunity for disastrous cooking techniques.  So for my first Halloween recipe, I'm going to sacrifice some pork chops.

My pork chop mangling machine. It has green goo inside.

Placing the sacrifice in the mangling machine.

Mangled.

Much less cutting required to eat now.

 

Since I don't have an open flame for roasting the sacrifice handy, I'm going to have to make do with frying in oil.

Fried to a crisp.

They're a little dry so I'm going to try mixing in soy sauce and butter.

 

Melting the butter.

 

The completed pork chops.

They were still a little dry so I added some tartar sauce on top.

Overall, dry and could have cooked for less time, but they definitely didn't require any cutting to eat!